Well, look at that. The Firmware Update — a website and podcast that haven’t been, uh, updated in damn near three years — suddenly has a text review of Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 pinned to the top of its homepage. The people demand to know just what the hell is going on, but I’m here to put a restless nation at ease.

Let’s go ahead and take questions from everyone who graciously took the time to gather here today.

[The room is absolutely empty except for Joe and his delusions of a captive audience]

Yes, you in the fourth row.

I see that the site has been quiet for nearly three years — why come back? None of us realized you were even gone.

Wow, rude, but fair. The short answer is that I’ve met someone, and a little while ago she read some of the very little of my old work that has survived on Al Gore’s internet. She liked what she saw, and she thinks it’s worth it for me to pursue my writing again. And if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve missed writing for almost as long as I’ve been away from it. Not the grind of keeping up with every new release and forcing myself to form a take before people move on to other things, mind you, but just having a place to sort the things that rattle around my head as I play something. As luck should have it, my schedule has opened back up a bit, so here we are.

That’s very sweet and all, but I remember this site hosting a podcast, not written reviews. Just what the hell are you getting at here?

I did not think this would be so combative.

Just answer the question.

OK, fine. The podcast remains dormant for now. Malcolm and I stopped at the time because my job at the time had a very erratic schedule, and it just wasn’t compatible with what goes into producing and posting an audio show on a regular basis. Good writing still takes time, but it’s something I can chip away at, whereas prepping and editing a podcast takes a commitment that I’m still not ready to dive into.

God, I love Malcolm.

Me, too. Was, uh, was there a question there?

Yeah — where’s he?

Malcolm’s got a life all his own, we’re still good buds, and he gave me his blessing to kick the tires on this thing. I’d love to have him on here, and I’m happy to edit and/or collaborate on anything he’d ever like to write for The Firmware Update. There’d be no FirmUp without him, and as such the door will always be open to him.

What is this then, exactly? You’re 37 damn years old, what’s the endgame?

This is purely hobby-grade reviewing and blogging here. I have no aspirations about building this up for clout in a way that ends with me at IGN or whatever outlet hasn’t yet been bled out by VC parasites. That ship sailed when I left the industry over 10 years ago, and the job I’ve got now offers a stability that media simply doesn’t offer, whether it’s in games or otherwise. I just want to be able to play my little video games at my own pace, and write about the ones that move me to do so. Maybe I’ll be compelled to write something as soon as it’s out, or maybe I’ll get a PlayStation gift card during a work Secret Santa that lets me play it months later, like Spider-Man 2 up there. The world is my oyster! No chasing down review codes for this guy!

That sounds nice, actually.

Yeah.

Huh.

Feels like we’re running out of questions already.

How dare you!

Not so nice on the other side, huh?

C’mon, man, I was just warming up to you.

Sorry, sorry. Did you have another question, though?

Sure — what’s in the hopper, then?

Well, I just started Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth, which would fall under the “must play immediately” banner for me, so I’ll probably have something to say about that. The same goes for Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, which releases on February 29th, a ridiculous date that will make it impossible to chronicle its age accurately as time marches on. As for for what may come after that, we’ll both have to wait and see.

Nice.

Nice.